Padaviya

endofmarch:

you know, sometimes you are trying on clothes and it makes you cry.

You’re standing there in the dressing room, half-naked in front of the mirror and this is the fifth piece of garment you’ve tried in the fifth store you’ve entered into and it still looks fucking ugly on you, or it doesn’t fit or it’s all wrong. And you know in your mind that it’s not your fault, that the garment should be made to fit you, not the other way around, but everything in that particular moment, in the hellish day you’ve been having (and it had started so well, too!) tells you otherwise. From the said piece of garment stretching awkwardly across your chest and pinching you under your arms, to the four others you’ve tried before that in that particular store, to the other ones you’ve tried in other stores, to the bright white neon light that flatters nobody and seems to be pointing at every single imperfection on your body from the stretch marks on your thighs to that zit you tried to cover this morning (and thought you had done a pretty good job at it), to the loud music playing through the speakers that you hate and that is giving you a headache, to the salesperson knocking on the door of your dressing room asking if they can help you and all you want to say is “yes, yes, please bring me one piece of garment, one shirt, or one dress, that fits me and that makes me look pretty. Just one, that’s all I ask”.

And when you get out of the dressing room, possibly after shedding some tears while getting dressed again and trying not to look at yourself in the oversize mirror (or looking too hard), you decide you might as well buy that awkward shirt you were trying because you don’t want to leave this store, like you left all the others, empty handed. You don’t want to go home and all you have in your bag are earrings, a book and maybe some chocolate, because you entered the mall wanting something new and pretty and fun to wear to your cousin’s birthday party.

And then you go home and you feel sad and weak and fucking ugly, but most of all you’re angry at yourself because you let it, all of it, get to you while you know you know better. You let the fuckers win and that’s horrible. And you vow that it will never happen again but you know it will because that’s the kind of society you live in. And while most of the other times you might exit the mall and give it a giant fuck you on your way out, knowing that you are as wonderful now as when you entered it full of hope, there are other days where you know you will find yourself again crying on the floor of a stupid dressing room.

Two years ago we posted about the Ashley Madison Agency. Several readers brought our attention to a new ad campaign for the company, so we’re reposting it; scroll down for new material.

Lisa C. sent in a link to the Ashley Madison Agency, which she heard advertised on a talk radio station that generally targets a male audience. The site specializes in providing dating services to married individuals looking to have an affair:

The company clearly plays on its notoriety and the shock value of the idea that a dating site would cater to married people looking to cheat on their partners — as well as, in this case, appearing to promise men oral sex.

The company has come out with a new ad campaign that has received significant criticism. The ads, sent in by Danielle Q., Christie W., and an anonymous reader, combine “promotion of adultery, body shaming, and female objectification,” according to Christie. They present wives as fat (and therefore presumably unappealing) women who practically drive men to cheat on them with the thin, hot women they deserve to have sexual access to:

(Via.)

(Via Jezebel.)

One source of criticism comes from Jacqueline, the plus-sized model used in the two images. She apparently posed for a photographer years ago and is now faced with seeing her image used to elicit disgust at large bodies. As Jacqueline pointed out in a post she wrote for Jezebel, these images aren’t just about mocking large women; they’re about policing all women’s bodies:

A size 2 woman who sees this ad sees the message: “If I don’t stay small, he will cheat”. A size 12 woman might see this ad and think “if I don’t lose 30lbs, he will cheat”. A size 32 woman could see this ad, and feel “I will never find love”.

Thus, all women are told that they are perpetually in competition with all other women for the sexual attention and approval of men, and always on the verge of being ridiculed for the failure to meet impossible standards of feminine attractiveness.

(post from Sociological Images)

oriolesoaring:ayeitsmary:

All bodies are good bodies.

There are no bad bodies. The concept of “bad bodies” is a conspiracy.A

on average, women see over 400 advertisements a day with glamorized images of what they should look like. 

and you know what all those images have in common? 

they are selling something.

makeup, a gym membership, clothes, hair products, restaurants, diet plans, razors, plastic surgery, etc. 

There is a reason this ideal exists. It’s to make money.There is a reason that thin has been so culturally accepted as the way to have a “good” body. There is a reason that the beauty ideal - thin frame, even round breasts, long legs, smooth skin, long sleek hair, perfect complexion, made up, and wearing a certain style of clothing. That exists for a reason.

 The reason, is that if corporations can manage to convince women that they aren’t beautiful the way they are, they can convince them that they need certain things to make them beautiful. 

Like diet pills and diet food and a gym membership and makeup and cover up and nail polish and spanx and fancy clothes and more and more and more. 

It is a conspiracy to make money. 

And it’s one of the most successful conspiracies in the world. 

And you know what else those ads all have in common? They show those women as being happy, and successful. Having friends, going to parties, having men desiring them, being confident, and smooth, and popular. This had led to an abundance of women who deeply believe, consciously or not, that the only way to achieve happiness, is to achieve a certain aesthetic. 

and it’s not just the media. because this has been so widely spread, and accepted, you hear it everywhere. from your peers, your parents, your teachers, even strangers. 

IT’S. NOT. TRUE. 

Bodies have become such a taboo, and such a subject of shame for most women, that girls don’t grow up seeing real women’s bodies. Not represented by the media, and not even represented by the women in their lives. I think it’s pretty rare for a girl to grow up seeing all different shapes and sizes of women being represented proudly, and not in the context of “look how disgusting this part of me is.” 

So who do they look to, to try to understand what women should look like? 

Magazines, tv commercials, etc etc. 

So they think that’s what all people should look like. So of COURSE they feel like something is wrong with them. Of course they do. 

But there isn’t. There is nothing wrong with you.

The part of your body that you think is just *wrong*, and *deformed*, and *hideous.* Why? Your body is built exactly the way it’s meant to be. It’s your body. And anybody who tries to tell you there is something inherently bad about it is brainwashed. 

There are no bad bodies. There are only bodies that are well taken care of, and bodies that are not. If you eat food that makes you feel good, and do things that make your body feel good, then your body will find the weight, the size, and the shape that is best for it. 

That might be 90 pounds. 120 pounds. 180 pounds. 250 pounds. More or less. Anything. 

So maybe, next time you’re sitting there just thinking about how fat, and ugly, and wrong you are, take a second to ask yourself, 

why do I think that? 

The reason is, because you have been programmed to think that. You have grown up in a toxic environment, where that concept, the concept of good and bad bodies, is everywhere. And just knowing that won’t make those thoughts go away, but maybe, it will give you more perspective. Maybe then you can step back, and say, 

“okay. this isn’t real. this is actually complete and utter fucking bullshit.” 

Your body is a good body. 

Your body is the perfect body. 

Yes!!  This whole American “war on obesity” crap is about convincing us our bodies are wrong so that we’ll purchase products and services to fix them. Ugh, I could rant about this for hours.  Perhaps I’ll write a post about it soon.

(Source: stophatingyourbody)

Please welcome guest blogger Ragen Chastain of Dances with Fat.  Ragen is a corporate CEO, choreographer for and a principle dancer in Fat Bottom Cabaret, and a three-time National Champion partner dancer currently seeking her first World Professional title;  but all of that pales in comparison to her greatest accomplishment – learning to love her body.  She is a strong advocate for Health at Every Size, and she unwaveringly believes (and is living proof!) that health is not about body size and that every body deserves respect.

Ragen agreed to write a post about her own personal experience with an issue facing many fat people: the insistence of other people that anyone who says you can be fat and healthy is mistaken, deluded, or actively lying, and the hostility and aggression often aimed at fat people who challenge these social assumptions (including on previous posts on our blog). She has previously posted parts of this article here and here.

Trigger warning: this post contains examples of negative comments used in attempts to rhetorically negate the evidence of Ragen’s physical abilities, and they may be upsetting or triggering for some readers.

———-

Society hides people like me – fat, healthy people.  We don’t fit into the popular misconception that you can look at somebody and tell how healthy they are, we don’t make the diet industry any money, and we won’t just loathe ourselves like they want us to. I’ve found that when people are faced with a real live healthy fat person they often try to solve their cognitive dissonance. Sometimes they do this by just calling us liars, as in this comment from a total stranger on my blog:

5’4 and 280 pounds is not healthy and you’re just deluding yourself if you think it is. There is no way that you can work out the way you say you do and eat the way you say you do and still be that fat.  You are not healthy and you need to get real, stop gorging yourself and get to the gym.

Sometimes they use the VFHT (Vague Future Health Threat). This occurs when people try to convince me that it’s less likely that I’m fat and healthy and more likely that they are psychic and that my “fat will catch up with me someday.”  My fat’s already here.  What is there to catch up with me – my healthy eating?  My exercise?  My numbers, strength, stamina and flexibility in the top 5% of the country?  For the record I know plenty of old, healthy fat people, but even if I’m wrong I still feel that I’m making the right choice.

Finally, if you are a fat person who says you are healthy or physically active, you will frequently be asked to prove it.

After working for a year to obtain a level of flexibility that I didn’t even have as a (relatively thin) kid, I was thrilled to accomplish this heel stretch:

[Photo by Richard Sabel]

Among the supportive comments were a group of very prolific writers who make a total of 127 comments in three hours.  One comment that was fairly representative of the group stated,

You are a stupid bitch.  You are a liar to say that you are fat and healthy, there’s no such thing. Nobody cares how flexible you are (this move isn’t even that hard) or how well you dance because you’re still a fucking fattass.  I bet your ankle shattered 5 seconds after this was taken.  If I see you in the street I will slap you across your triple chins you dumb fat bitch.

Someone posted information about me on a listserve of people who, at first, were being reasonable and curious. I was e-mailed and challenged to state my numbers to prove beyond doubt that I am, in fact, healthy.  I posted my cholesterol, triglycerides, blood pressure etc., all in the exceptionally healthy range. But, a random stranger on the internet asked, what could I do physically?

So I posted pictures of my strength and flexibility:

They said that holding that same 284 pound body (the one that surely shattered my ankle) up in an arch and doing suspended pull ups isn’t that hard.  They said I must be flexible because I’m all fat and no muscle. They asked why I didn’t show something more athletic.

After several other attempts to counter their arguments, I posted a video of me dancing:

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0MK8naAVdhI]

They got mean. They called me a whale, they called me a hippo, they said that it doesn’t matter because I’m still fat.

Several things about this incident stand out to me. First, many of the people who posted weren’t satisfied with disagreeing with my Health at Every Size lifestyle or calling me a liar, but actually felt the need to diminish my accomplishments. I can only assume that they were trying to avoid some sort of cognitive dissonance. In addition, the comments reflect an intense desire to convince me that no amount of accomplishment is enough if I am fat — as if being fat is such an utter failure that it eclipses anything else that I could possibly accomplish. Their core belief is that accomplishments only count if you’re thin, so since I’m fat no amount of proving it will ever be enough.

At first I was shocked by these comments. But I wonder if they are simply the end result of the constant marketing messages that the diet industry makes billions of dollars imbedding into our collective consciousness: The idea that anyone who chooses to focus on healthy habits rather than having a smaller body must be stupid and should be ridiculed. The idea that no accomplishments matter until you are thin because, if you are fat, you aren’t worthy of feeling happy or successful. (Remember Jennifer Hudson’s commercial where she said “Before Weight Watchers, my world was can’t” even though before Weight Watchers she had won a Grammy for her first CD and an Oscar for her first film?) Finally, the image of trainers like Jillian Michaels physically, verbally, and emotionally abusing fat people and treating them as subhuman “for their own good” might even make these people feel like they are somehow good Samaritans rather than run-of-the-mill judgmental abusers.

In the end, I’m over it. Don’t like what I write? Don’t believe me? Fine. I’m not here for you. When I do something that is counter to someone’s stereotypes, I’m not asking for their approval — I’m doing them the courtesy of giving them the opportunity to challenge their preconceived notions. I’m not trying to tell anyone how to live. I believe that every person of every size deserves respect. After that it’s all about presenting options, letting people make their own choices, and respecting those choices just like I expect mine to be respected.

Kelly believed that it’s okay to attack fat people because our culture promotes that way of thinking. Even on the show itself, which critics say is too filled with fat jokes, Mike and Molly meet at Overeaters Anonymous (of course) and are trying to change. The show tells viewers that being fat is not good and that fat people only belong on television when we can all laugh at their attempts to de-fat. (Though fat men are routinely seen on television with skinny, “attractive” wives or girlfriends.)

Most of the criticism leveled at Kelly and Marie Claire is about the fact that she actually said all this, not that she believes it and that it’s wrong. For the millionth time, you cannot ascertain the health of a person from looking at them. And even if we could, we see examples of skinny people leading unhealthy lifestyles onscreen all the time: loading up on junk food, smoking, having unprotected sex, doing drugs — the list goes on and on. So Kelly’s attempts to wrap her anti-fat message in health are just a flat-out lie. As a former anorexic (she admitted this in her half-baked apology), she is terrified of becoming fat and that is why fat people disgust her.

But most of us are disgusted by fat. It has become polite table conversation to pick apart the lifestyles of people we don’t know (“I can’t believe she has the nerve to order ice cream”). It is acceptable for an entire conversation about a talented woman, whether singer, actress, or writer, to revolve around their incredibly shrinking or incredibly expanding waistlines.

So, no, I wasn’t offended by what Kelly wrote, because I see evidence that most people feel similarly every day. I am, however, offended that the policing of women’s bodies has reached this level, where we are all expected to pursue one body size at any cost (starvation, purging included). We have all — regular people, members of the media, doctors — contributed to this idea that thinness is a prize only given to those who work hard and that fatness is bestowed on people who do the opposite. We deserve the right to live our lives in a way that pleases us and is not harmful to others, without fear that our very existence is deemed disgusting.

Sign this petition to demand that Marie Claire magazine editor Joanna Coles issue an apology for the post.

After all this time, fat is still a feminist issue, and so is the national hobby of dieting, especially for women. We subject each other, and sometimes ourselves, to contempt when all our extensive efforts yield insufficient or short-lived weight loss.  But, as I’m pleased to report from experience, The Weight Talk doesn’t have to include contempt and shaming.  Here is what I’ve learned:

The correlation between obesity and ill health is much weaker than most people believe.  Weight is often used as a stand-in for health, but it’s a poor substitute. We know intuitively that thin people can be unhealthy; it’s also true that people can be both “fit and fat.”

In the March 5, 2010 issue of Entertainment Weekly, Kate Ward has a feature about the women displayed on the covers of a number of novels featuring female protagonists who are clearly depicted as anything from “curvy” to “plus-size” to obese. Ward draws attention to the fact that despite how the female characters are portrayed in these novels, the cover models are often quite thin.