Padaviya

In the latest re-touching leak, before and after shots of Katy Perry’s Rolling Stone cover were counterposed at Elephant this month and sent in by Dmitriy T.M.   It’s a nice reminder that even incredibly beautiful, thin women — women who, for all intents and purposes, already conform to contemporary standards of beauty — are also being photoshopped to conform even more closely to an impossible ideal. Notice the slimming of her thigh, plumping of her breasts, smoothing of her skin, and re-making of her right hand.

So I wonder, what would the same kind of advice look like if it appeared in a men’s magazine? Perhaps it would read something like this… (cue dream sequence)

How to Be Happy With Less Sex: Have Less Sex!
If you’re like a lot of men, your wife or girlfriend almost never wants to have sex with you. No matter how many times you grab her tits while watching TV or rub your morning wood against her back, she just doesn’t seem to warm up to your advances.

In fact, between work, watching football, and clocking the obligatory hour with your girlfriend’s friends, not having sex has become just another item on many men’s to-do lists — something we feel like we have to do in order to please our wives or girlfriends.

Well, that needn’t be the case, says sex expert Bruce Johnson**. In fact, he says, there’s an easy way around this problem.

“Every time you want to have sex,” says Johnson, “don’t.”

By ignoring what your body is telling you and stifling your natural urges, eventually you’ll notice that your sex drive is almost completely gone — much to your girlfriend’s delight.

“The amazing thing about the human body is it’s ability to acclimate,” said Johnson, who is the author of several books, including Third-Wave Feminists: Hard To Trick and Your Wife: Not Like Other Problems. “The less you have sex, the less you want it.”

How to achieve the seemingly impossible? Here are some tips (but just the tip! LOL):

You and your girlfriend are sitting on the couch watching TV. During commercials, all you can do is stare at her funbags. You start to lean into them with your tongue out while she’s not paying attention — the same way you always do foreplay.

Perhaps you’ve heard that France and Britain are considering photoshop laws: Laws that would require advertisers to indicate when an image has been digitally altered, or banning photoshopping altogether in advertisements aimed at people under a certain age. Last year, legislators on both sides of the Channel proposed legislation, arguing that highly photoshopped images, largely of female beauty, set unrealistic standards for young women and can lead to poor body image and eating disorders.